A Letter From A Church Seeker

Dear Pastor,
I have been looking for a church for some time now. I am writing you because I am very interested in attending your service! I must admit, I haven’t been to church in sometime. I use to go to a church, but honestly, it was quite boring. I mean truthfully, who wants to sit through an outdated hour long preaching, straight from an outdated book! Every Sunday we would sing hymns about the crucifixion or God’s wrath, you know those depressing hymns like “Amazing Grace”. The entire service was completely focused on Jesus. The pastor there would pray at least two very long, dragged out prayers. Anyway, as I am sure you can imagine, I didn’t stay there very long.
I have decided, however, that I do like the idea of having spirituality, and that is when I found you. The first church I found in the local area reminded me of the old church I use to attend. The website had pages and pages about their “doctrinal beliefs”. Why would they take the time to do this?! There was no mention of any worship experiences, no mention of groups that I can join without commitment to the church, at all! I mean, it’s almost like they only want a certain type of member, and that member is not me.
But yours, I mean, yours is exactly what I was looking for. I appreciate the huge picture of you and your wife on the home page! You two make a lovely couple! I am glad you posted this on the homepage; I can tell you guys have swag! No suit and ties at your church! Just how I like it. Oh, and before I forget, I LOVED the fact that you had no “What We Believe” section. I mean, why try exclude anyone, right? Some churches have the nerve to be so specific that I can’t imagine anyone would visit.
As I browsed around for a few moments, I notice one thing that immediately stood out from the other churches website. Instead of having “Jesus” posted all over, or writing the gospel message about “sin”, or “repentance” or any of that negative stuff, you focused completely on ME, the visitor. Your entire page was about how great of a time I will have if I come to your service! Wow! Your focus on the experience made me feel like I would be so entertained! I have been very active in attending clubs and concerts in my time, and let me tell you, I thought that is what I was watching when I saw a sample of your worship service! That is a place I want to be at. I mean, you literally have no bible on stage! Wow, that is so welcoming. Your Ipad makes me feel like you’re really up to date! And your sermon, the topics were so personal, so touching, so motivating! I couldn’t decide which message to watch first: “Receive YOUR blessing”, “Rollercoaster: Riding Life’s Ups and Downs”, or “Repent from Repenting: Just Believe”.
Oh, and let me not forget the best part! I can be a full time member and never even set foot out of my house! I mean, those live streams and Icampus options are really up to date! I can just sign the online form to join as a member, and enjoy your service from home with my family, or when I am out and about! I mean, Sundays are so busy! Perfect, I could literally never meet one person! That kind of fellowship is the best! This type of Christianity must be REAL Christianity, it doesn’t seem to be hard at all! What an easy path. Can’t wait for this experience!

Yours truly,
Luke Warmsatire

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